A Time Someone Said No

It was a warm Saturday afternoon and I was enjoying a relaxing day at the park with my book club friends. We all brought snacks, wine and the July club selection, a historical mystery. I was not really into historical fiction or nonfiction for that matter, but joined book club to inject some diversity into my mainly slutty reading preferences. I settled into my blanket and listened to the middle aged redhead tell the group how she felt about the treatment of women in this period in American history and now women today still face challenges. She was so passionate about the novel it made me almost want to actually read it, almost.

As I turned my attention to watching the people in the park jog, play and just be happy I relaxed and enjoyed the peacefulness of the afternoon. My cell phone buzzed loudly on the blanket next to my head. I reached over and one look at the caller id told me that my plans to relax and pretend to enjoy book club were over. Going against my better judgment and the voice screaming in my head telling me to ignore it, I answered the phone with a cheery, “Hello.”

—–

I stand frozen in his living room as I waited for his response. How did I get here I wondered as I squirmed in my skin. I knew better than to get myself into this situation, it is never an even playing field with Deion. He always holds the upper hand in our interactions. Now I have gone and given him even more power by reviling what I wanted and needing him to comply. Knowing he holds my fate in his powerful, capable grasp.

Breath.

I have to remember to breath and stay calm. This is no time to panic and loose all common sense and composure. I watched him as his eyes roamed my face, searching, questioning, accusing and demanding that my body stay tethered to this spot in his living room. His eyes release mine and just like that my brain and lung connection is reformed.

“Hooh” I exhale the breath I have been holding. “Hmm” I inhale deeply enjoying the feel of the air moving in and out of my lungs.

Now that I can think clearly I use the opportunity to take in the sight of him. He seems so composed and powerful. I absently wonder if his apparent comfort comes from experience. How many other women has he done this too? If I trusted myself more I would ask him, but I am still concentrating on breathing and not falling to my knees in front of him.

He slowly licks his gorgeous thick lips and pulls on the bottom one with is thumb and index finger. I know this look. He is thinking. God help me he is forming a plan. He moves slowly toward me, his 6’2 athletic frame seeming lethal and gentle all at once. The expression behind his eyes was striking and sent a tingle down my spine and to center of my being. As he disappears from my view to stand directly behind me I feel his eyes assessing, questioning, judging. I am not made for this level of stress and, and what humiliation, anticipation, shit I don’t know. I just can’t take the pressure anymore. I need this man to touch me.  As he walks back into my view I notice a slight change in his expression. Is that a smile I wonder. If it is a smile it is very slight and only gives a minute lift to his full plump lips. The sound of his voice focuses me and brings me back to the present.

“Well Allie, After much thought and consideration I  have to say no to your very direct request.”

I knew this was a possibility. I knew Deion did not respond to my demands or even my polite requests. I let his answer sink in before I have the strength to meet his eyes again.

“Ok, so what do you want?” I respond looking up.

The slight up turn in his lips has now become a full smile. “I said no to fucking you on the couch, but I have not problem making love to you in my bed.”  

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